And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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