I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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