you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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