before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
