So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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