I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
