Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
