I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
