You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
