come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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