I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
