I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
