wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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