So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize