anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
