We won't sleep together?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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