a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize