There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
