You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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