If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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