I CAN MOONWALK!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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