sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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