Are we in a gay sports bar?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize