so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
