Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
