What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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