I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
