I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your penis caused this!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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