I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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