Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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