If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
