Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
