I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
worst night to have a conscience
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
