She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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