Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
