Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
