I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my vagina is haunted
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
