I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
