i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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