mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize