You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
