Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
