sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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