I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We smell like vodka and hangover
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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