If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
