Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
