I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
