the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
