Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
