you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
