He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
