I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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