i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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