Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
