i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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