she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
