I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
