one two three fourrrrnication!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
