What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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