We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
