Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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