i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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