I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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