he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
