you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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