Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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