Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There r osticjed everywhere
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
