we're chasing vodka with high fives
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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