I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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