This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
