Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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