He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
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