At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
