i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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