You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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