Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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