Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
