1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
