New invention idea: vibrating tampons
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't deserve a penis
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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