even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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