We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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