i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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