Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
