Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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