hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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