My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
