Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
