i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
