i just had sex bonerless
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
