.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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