I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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