ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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