I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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