yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize