Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
