I wish I could punch you in the face.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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