Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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