You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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